Mischief Managed
mom: you realize normal people don't have such strong feelings about the oxford comma
me: THE OXFORD COMMA IS IMPORTANT
mom: you realize this makes you a nerd
me:
mom:
me: i had a party with the strippers, george bush and barack obama
me: i had a party with the strippers, george bush, and barack obama
me: without the comma, you are implying that george bush and barack obama are strippers
mom:
me:
mom: this isn't normal
News in Britain: Stamps have gone up 14 pence
News in Canada: Moose on the loose downtown
News in America: Cannibal eats man's face
Britain: wat.
News in America: Man throws intestines at police
Britain: wat
News in America: Man eats roommate's heart and brain
News in Canada: Porn star murders lover and mails body parts to government headquarters.
Britain: Shit Canada.
America: You fucked up.
lacigreen:

astheplanetsbend:

when will awards shows figure out that they are physically incapable of scripting funny interactions between their presenters? 

thehpfacts:

Trailer for Perks of Being a Wallflower

In contemporary society we’re expected both to praise the miracle of birth and deplore it as the wages of sin. We expect men to take cold showers if they get an erection, and to take Viagra if they can’t. We encourage straight women to kiss in bars, and actual lesbians not to. We expect young men to have sex they’re not ready for, and young women to decline it when they are. We’re expected to say we like oral sex even when we don’t, and to say we dislike anal sex even supposing we do. We’re expected to buy sudoku books with bikini models on the cover and to read Playboy for the articles. We’re expected to gradually lose interest in our spouses and not to have affairs. We’re expected to stress about unplanned, unwanted pregnancy and to see stopping to put on a condom as unromantic. We expect to believe men don’t read romance novels and women don’t watch porn, even though there’s maybe a 30% crossover both directions. If you’re a woman you’re expected to zealously guard your hymen up to the point you get married (whether you wanted to or not), and then upon receipt of a marriage license you’re expected to turn around and let some guy pound away at it whenever he wishes (whether you wanted to or not.) Looking in another direction if you’re a man you’re expected to run screaming from the room if your wife puts her purse down too close to you… because your wife’s purse might somehow magically “make you gay.” We’re supposed to pretend that women faint at the sight of blood, and ignore that men are far more inclined to. We expect women to depend financially on men and expect men to dump their wives for floozies at the drop of a thong. We’re expected to think a model is sexy if she’s in a Victoria’s Secret poster at the mall, and we’re expected to think a mom in workout pants and a sweatshirt isn’t sexy if she’s in the same mall pushing a stroller.

doctorwho:

Doctor specs

Ten and his glasses

The Best Dialogue Ever in Doctor Who
Cyber Leader: Daleks, be warned. You have declared war upon the Cybermen.
Dalek Sec: This is not war. This is pest control!
Cyber Leader: We have five million Cybermen. How many are you?
Dalek Sec: Four.
Cyber Leader: You would destroy the Cybermen with four Daleks?
Dalek Sec: We would destroy the Cybermen with one Dalek! You are superior in only one respect.
Cyber Leader: What is that?
Dalek Sec: You are better at dying.